Swamp of Sadness

Yesterday I awoke and found myself in the swamp of sadness. I was hopeless, miserable, and sad. Dullness clouded my morning.  My frame of mind on this terrible gloomy morning was despair, I planned to just go back to bed.  My dreams are useless, they will never be, I should just do myself a favor, settle in, and wait to die.  It was a blue funk morning.

Faltering and floundering around, trying to "snap out of it", but bankrupt, absent, and destitute, I received a call from my niece, asking me what I was doing.  "Umm, nothing", I said trying to sound like her cheerful aunt.  She wanted to know if I could help her with a paper that was due today.  "Sure, I said".  I needed her to come by.  Before long she and I were laughing and talking about what junk we were going to eat for lunch.  On the way back, we trespassed on some property down by the railroad tracks, me pretending shock and outrage, but saying "hey, what's over there?"  She had rescued me from the swamp.

Later I received the call from Jeff asking me if I had been watching the news.  "There appears to have been a terrorist attack at the Boston Marathon", he said.  No, is all I could think.  I was heartbroken, not wanting to know the details.  Please, no more.  no more.  Where has our love and compassion for the innocent gone?  How can someone have so much hate in their heart that an unoffending person could be targeted?  An earnest runner going for a goal, a dream, then mangled, marred, or killed by a bombers attack.  It's not right! How sad and senseless!

I don't know about you, but I can't watch the news.  Some may call it burying your head in the sand.  Maybe so. But I have heard about the heroes from yesterday.  I heard that there were people running toward the bombs to see, to help, no matter the cost.  Some of them weren't runners, they were cheerleaders.  The supporters that were there to say "You did it, I'm proud of you".  "I told you, you could do it, and you did."  Instead they were saying "Oh my God!"

Pardon me a moment while I cry.

My prayers go out for the injured and killed, the families, the city of Boston, and our country.  Only God can change our hearts and our intentions.  I pray that prayer.

Later, as I was battling the sadness again, I read a blog written by my friend Jeanne of Jeanne Oliver Designs about the cheerleaders in her life.  The supporters that have been there for her saying "I told you, you're talented, go do it".  It made me think about all the people that are so encouraging of me and my gifts. It made me want to write about being sad and being pulled out by my friends.

My friends are my lifeline.  Topping that list of cheerleaders would have to be my precious husband Jeff.  He is always the first one to support my dreams.  I do remember him recently saying "That sounds pretty goofy to me, but you've done goofier, so go for it".  Does that count as support?  I think so.

I dreamed a dream of sons, and my dream came true.  Todd and Scott love their mother and think great things are in store for me.  Back at ya guys! You're talented, creative, and you have blessed my life immeasurably.

And then there's my circle of family of women Bonnie, Cyndi, Amanda, Luba, Erin, Chelsea, Kim, Pam, Mama, Dorene, Jennifer, Kristin, and Aunt Joanne.  You all have been so supportive and complimentary of everything I do.  You all are the talented gifted ones, so your encouragement is essential to me.  Your smiles light my world, I want to be that for you too.

I am blown away when Mindy, Robin, Edith, Anne, or Julie comes up to me and says how they read my blog and they love my photography, that it speaks to them.  All I can offer them in return is a hug and a sincere Thank you.  I love, love, love you all.

Every time I write a blog, I can be sure that my dear childhood friend Merita will have a comment.  She inspired me to write more a couple of years ago.  Her journey and mine are very similar at this time of our lives and I treasure her connection and wish I could see her more.  There are also other childhood friends Patti, Karen, Mary Jo, and Michelle that are encouraging me with their "likes" and "comments".  Thank you! May I always be to you, what you have been for me.  I haven't listed many, many names.  But I know you, cherish you, and see you when you show me love.  May your love be returned by me.

Finally, I am thankful for the encouragement and connection with people I have met through the blog world, and my new friends Ana, Candace, Susan, Cindy, Cassie, Amber and Lynne who I met at Serena's recent art retreat.  You can be inspired by some of the people I follow at their links Christy, Mindy, Alissa, Junelle and Lisa, genuinely creative individuals and artists.  I love following their work and it gives me a push and a pull when I hear encouragement from them.

My children and I watched "The Never Ending Story" so many times while they were boys. The scene of Artax and Atreyu is so moving and sad and it speaks to me. I don't know what my future is, but I know who holds the future.  Heard that before?  It's a rock I lean on and I feel no shame for the days when the sadness takes hold.  It happens to everyone, and we need each other to pull, and pull, and pull, and say "I love you", you're my friend".  Who is your encourager? Who pulls you out with their love?